her vagine was all disorganized.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
