i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
