I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
