cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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