you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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