you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
