I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Success! We fucked roommates!
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