I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
