wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
