so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
