I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
