I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
