I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize