i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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