I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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