my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
