so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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