How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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