If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize