are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
