Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
