you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
