Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
