So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize