i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't deserve a penis
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
