Where did you get a picture of my penis
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
