I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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