Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
