No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
