I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
