My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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