why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
