Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
