HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
