Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize