Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
