marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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