guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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