When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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