In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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