Can i not drive my cunt home
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
