I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
