He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
