Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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