I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
