the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
