I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
