he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Your cock deserves a montage
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
