my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
