I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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