for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize