I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
