Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just want nice things and good sex
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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