Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
