Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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