There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
