I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
