you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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