belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
