He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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