New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
