Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I am available for nakedness
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
