The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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