i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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