I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
