will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
