If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
