I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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