Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
