i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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